Monday, September 29, 2008

i remember


my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer
i think i was 10 at the time
the doctors told her that she had 6 months
she lived for 11 years
each year became increasingly more difficult
several times, she told me that all she wanted was to see me graduate
years went by
she told me that all she wanted was to see her first grandchild be born
more pain
more cancer
chemotherapy
and i think i was around 14 when
we had to put one of these toilet combo devices in her bedroom
she was too sick
too weak to make it to the bathroom
i used to have to empty her shit and piss
she would cry
and i would just do my job
listening as she told me what a good grandson i was.....
anyway
i saw this the other day, in the Lee Plaza
and i thought of my grandmother
she was good to me
but rotten to my mother
11 years with cancer
what a price to pay
and it makes me think of all that i have done,
i'm concerned, to say the least.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

armed with the proper amount of hatred for humanity

we loaded up our fossil fuel hungry death machine, with
enough freeze dried food to feed all of Ethiopia-
too many synthetic fast drying fabrics to be named here-
white gas-
an expedition grade stove-
a water filter-
two 20,000 cu in back packs-
a gps device so detailed we could find a skinny 6ft tall middle eastern guy with a dialysis machine (hey wait)
anyway
we piled all this shit on a roof rack so fuckin big you could strap down one of those fuckin new Smart cars on top of it (hell yeah!)
anyway
we headed north on I-75
screaming towards the bridge
not the Zilwaukee
anyway
when we reached the Mackinac bridge
i stuck my middle aged white ass out limo black tinted windows
screaming that all you under the bridge city dwellers could go to hell and kiss my pasty ass (not Pastie) that comes later
anyway
headed deep into the Upper Peninsula
camping
hiking
backpacking
carrying a pocket knife so big i could gut a fucking elk
anyway
i didn't have to cut anyone or anything(but i did use the handy little tooth pick thingy that folds out of the knife)nice
anyway
Lake Superior winds
black bears
rain
and a solitary self appraisal or 3...
on our way home
we found it there, on highway 2
abandonded chairs
yes!
fuck all those nice cookie cutter camping photos
we found some chairs
with a 14trillion megapixel point and shoot that my friend loaned me
cuz all i have anymore is a digital SLR, and to think (i've had photos in the newspaper, even one of those fancy ones from New York) and i have to borrow a camera, Jesus joey
anyway
home now
showered
a refrigerator full of cheese
jerky
pasties
and some Yooper jam (hell yeah)
i give you this picture of me
in an abandoned lawn chair
chillin
on the side of the road
taken by my wife
my camping partner
my lover
and my best friend.....

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

ducks in the kitchen

The White Duck is a Russian fairy tale collected by Alexander Afanasyev in Narodnye russkie skazki. Andrew Lang included it in The Yellow Fairy Book.

A king has to leave his newly-wed wife for a journey. He sternly warns her against leaving the women's quarters and listening to bad advice. An old woman lures her into the garden and into a pool, and turns her into a white duck, herself taking the queen's own form and place. The king returned but did not know her.

Meanwhile, the white duck built a nest, laid three eggs, and hatched two fluffy ducklings and one ugly drake. She warned them against the castle, because an evil witch lived there, but one day the witch saw them and lured them inside. The ducklings slept but the drake stayed awake, and when the witch called if they were asleep, the drake answered. But after two answers, the witch went in to see, and saw the ducklings were asleep, so she killed them.

The white duck found the bodies and lamented over them. The king wondered at it, and although the witch tried to persuade him it was nothing but quacking, he ordered that the duck be captured. His servants could not, but he went himself, and she flew to his hands and became a woman. She told of a bottle in the nest in the garden -- or, they sent a magpie for magic water -- which, sprinkled on the ducklings and drake, turned them into three lovely children. The witch was put to death.

sorry Mark,
i'm really not sure what i'm talking about here....

Monday, September 22, 2008

visiting hours


gamblers all

sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think,
I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside
remembering all the times you've felt that way, and
you walk to the bathroom, do your toilet, see that face
in the mirror, oh my oh my oh my, but you comb your hair anyway,
get into your street clothes, feed the cats, fetch the
newspaper of horror, place it on the coffee table, kiss your
wife goodbye, and then you are backing the car out into life itself,
like millions of others you enter the arena once more.

you are on the freeway threading through traffic now,
moving both towards something and towards nothing at all as you punch
the radio on and get Mozart, which is something, and you will somehow
get through the slow days and the busy days and the dull
days and the hateful days and the rare days, all both so delightful
and so disappointing because
we are all so alike and so different.

you find the turn-off, drive through the most dangerous
part of town, feel momentarily wonderful as Mozart works
his way into your brain and slides down along your bones and
out through your shoes.

it's been a tough fight worth fighting
as we all drive along
betting on another day.

-buk

Friday, September 19, 2008

if you shoot a chair just right,

it becomes more then a chair
it becomes human
takes on a personality
it becomes something that you can relate to
this chair
appears studious
proud
waiting patiently for life
to return......
that's just what i think, anyway.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

went on a road trip

drove through the rains of a distant storm
stayed at a hotel with a pimp named Iceberg Slim
got rescued by FEMA workers
jump roped with the neighborhood kids
ate 2 pork chops
and a bologna sandwich
saw a grizzly bear
a squirrel
and the weird guy from silence of the lambs
did it all with friends
i even went to church
there are pictures to prove all of this
but i am too tired to deal with them
instead i am posting this one photo
from my bed
watching the 2nd game of a tigers double header
but the best part
of the whole trip
was taking photographs in an abandoned building
with my wife, turning around at one point
i saw her there
for the first time
the millionth time
standing in a puddle
inside of a building
holding an umbrella
and i love her
and i'm tired
and oh yeah,
i went to the hospital too....

Sunday, September 7, 2008

in the middle of industrial decay,

what do two grow'd ass men talk about?
thread count, of course.
egyptian cotton
the good shit
if i'm gonna lay my ass down on something
i want it to feel good.....




don't you?

Monday, September 1, 2008

sitting here

safe from the heat
from the humidity
from the festival goers
the doers
safe from the hurricanes
and winds
safe from work
from the mail man
the banks
the madness
sitting here,
watching the teletubbies
safe from brave new ideas
but never really safe
from myself....