Tuesday, January 12, 2010

i have this blog, and

i don't know what to do with it...
i think about quitting
i think about continuing
i think about murder
and hatred
and hiding under my covers
under my bed
in the closet
i have a hammer
and nails
and a heart filled with fear
i think i have about $63 in my checking account-
perhaps i could by some black construction paper
black sheets
black paint
black hole
black heart
black, dark, empty, fuck
i have this blog, and
i have this chemical imbalance
inside of my head
my heart
a lack of faith
or belief
or even worse, both
and i think about quitting this blog
this job
this story
this photo...
whatever happened to not caring
feeling
worrying
just living
oh, that's right
that didn't work out too well for me, but
i have this blog
i have this sore back
this sore shoulder
a sore spot
a sour spot
an empty spot
fill it, fuck it, find it, kill it,
whatever...
i have this blog
but i guess you knew that,
right?

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