Friday, February 19, 2010

i don't know if i have posted these before?

but i don't care
see i'm home on a friday at 12:19
slightly older
perhaps heavier
less cool
and i have known so much frustration
depression
hard times
most of it, my own making
see
i'm here
instead of out there
earning
working
succeeding-
not moving forward, i suppose
sitting here instead
not very pleased with myself
with the world
this keyboard doesn't talk back like it used to
the cursor doesn't dance
doesn't sing
and i can't seem to find the TIME any more
don't know if i'll have enough TIME
see
siting here
on friday
in the afternoon, doesn't
pay the bills
the rent
the mortgage
get up
get out- you say
go after it
get it
well fuck
fuck you
if it were that easy
i'd be out there
or maybe that's just a convenient excuse that i have come up with
maybe that keeps me here
maybe that keeps me behind the camera
on sundays
on saturdays
sometimes thursdays
behind this monitor
keyboard
photoshop
the internet
trying to get it out there
all of it
the bad things
the divine things
all that shit that keeps me up at night
keeps me angry
keeps me on fire
under covers
on a friday
or in a New Jersey jail
on a wednesday
see
you can't end up incarcerated by two jersey guidos, sitting
in your favorite chair, can you
i guess you can't end up with enough money to live comfortably in your old age either....
fuck
i need to rethink things
need to prioritize
organize
need to find the Time
to make Time
gotta pay the bills
pay the man
pay the gods
the monsters
the demons
gotta pay the shrimp man
sometimes with food stamps, no less
fuck
it's friday afternoon
where are you?
i am here
and i feel alone
and sad
for one of us...









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