Thursday, November 4, 2010

i have neglected my blog

neglected to tell you about my depression
my anxiety
my lack of faith
or belief
in anything greater then myself
my will
my ideas
i've neglected to tell you about my sleeping
my lack of wanting
wanting to get out
go out
to do
to be
i have neglected this blog
my chores
my cleaning
i have neglected the leaky faucet in my bathroom
the dirty dryer vent
i have neglected to clean last years leaves from my gutter
my downspout
i have neglected to thank jesus
to thank god
to thank my wife
my friends
my mother
i have neglected to tell all of them, that
i love them
i am hurting
sometimes
deeply
sometimes, just on the surface
i am in pain
alone
and wandering
wanting
wishing
hoping
dreaming
it hasn't changed
only the names
the faces
i have neglected to tell the truth
to tell the whole story
the right story
i have neglected my blog
my writing
my poetry
my words
the paper
so here it is
unable to sleep tonight
12:32 now
and i am awake
neglecting
writing
posting

and i wish that this were enough
to make me ok
alright, whatever that is
12:33
and i am disturbed...

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