Wednesday, February 24, 2010

i had to turn on the word verification...

the comment spam thing is getting out of control;
i did get an interesting one the other day though,
"constant dripping wears away the stone"
dang...

Friday, February 19, 2010

i don't know if i have posted these before?

but i don't care
see i'm home on a friday at 12:19
slightly older
perhaps heavier
less cool
and i have known so much frustration
depression
hard times
most of it, my own making
see
i'm here
instead of out there
earning
working
succeeding-
not moving forward, i suppose
sitting here instead
not very pleased with myself
with the world
this keyboard doesn't talk back like it used to
the cursor doesn't dance
doesn't sing
and i can't seem to find the TIME any more
don't know if i'll have enough TIME
see
siting here
on friday
in the afternoon, doesn't
pay the bills
the rent
the mortgage
get up
get out- you say
go after it
get it
well fuck
fuck you
if it were that easy
i'd be out there
or maybe that's just a convenient excuse that i have come up with
maybe that keeps me here
maybe that keeps me behind the camera
on sundays
on saturdays
sometimes thursdays
behind this monitor
keyboard
photoshop
the internet
trying to get it out there
all of it
the bad things
the divine things
all that shit that keeps me up at night
keeps me angry
keeps me on fire
under covers
on a friday
or in a New Jersey jail
on a wednesday
see
you can't end up incarcerated by two jersey guidos, sitting
in your favorite chair, can you
i guess you can't end up with enough money to live comfortably in your old age either....
fuck
i need to rethink things
need to prioritize
organize
need to find the Time
to make Time
gotta pay the bills
pay the man
pay the gods
the monsters
the demons
gotta pay the shrimp man
sometimes with food stamps, no less
fuck
it's friday afternoon
where are you?
i am here
and i feel alone
and sad
for one of us...









i know this dude

who bought some shrimp cocktail with food stamps...



that doesn't have anything to do with this photograph, but
i kind of like it that way...

Monday, February 15, 2010

detroit parking garage

on a cold wintry night
in detroit
out there
lurking
waiting
planning
what the fuck,eh?



Tuesday, February 9, 2010

i went to home depot the other day

to buy a piece of glass
11 7/8 x 14 7/8
it was going to have to be cut
custom
i was proud of my custom piece of glass
my chest stuck out
walking a little taller,
and then the window and door associate told me that,
home depot no longer cuts glass
he said that too many people were getting hurt...

11 7/8 x 14 7/8
custom
so i bought a 12 x 16
and a glass cutter
having a hard time accepting this
i was forced to imagine
a home improvement store
where they still cut glass
but there would have to be a little bottle of hand sanitizer
next to the glass cutter
the antibacterial kind
scented of course
something that reminds you of your grandmother

a large piece of my soul is dead now
left- back there
near aisle 15
by the uncut pieces of glass that can't harm anyone...
i walked away
thinking about everything that had just happened

as i scanned my own building materials
i could feel the remaining air being beaten from my lungs
11 7/8 x 14 7/8
it was all i could stand
i couldn't get out of there fast enough
i could barely even choke down the home depot hot dog
i left there
my uncut glass in hand
slightly hunched over
bloated
ashamed
back out in to the frigid cold
back out in to the world
and i realized that i was alone
with all of it
perhaps it was only for a brief moment
but i was empty
and i was cold
and i was afraid...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

i called a plumber the other night

he was at our house in a flash
in a matter of minutes
he diagnosed that we needed our drain snaked
back at his van
he unloaded the machine
he was everything that you might expect a plumber to be
all of the stereotypes
the preconceived notions...
we stood outside together
him
operating the snake
me
holding the flashlight
the smell of sewer gas
and human waste
filled the awkward air between us
i asked many questions
he tried desperately to answer
he snaked-
i held-
it was a cold night
in late january
the dark skies engulfed us
the frigid wind howled through the naked trees
he snaked
and i continued to ask more questions
he was everything that you might expect a plumber to be
then he turned to me, and
he said, "there are some things that i just don't have the answers to"...
within seconds
the machine grabbed hold of some tree roots
it cut through them,
before we had any time to discuss what just happened
he was rolling the machine back to his van
i handed him his check
and just like that
he drove off
his tail lights faded...
the sewer gases were gone...
"there are some things that i just don't have the answers to"
he was everything that you might expect a plumber to be,
and then some...