mental hospital windows

looking out...

i go to the same pizza place

at least once or twice a month
sometimes delivery
sometimes, pick up
either way
the guy knows my name now
he calls me by my name
asks me how i'm doing
makes small talk....
i'm gonna have to start going to another pizza place
it's too bad, really
because they made a pretty good pie
over there...

poop blanket

abandoned new york

i took my mother grocery shopping today

it's never a pleasant experience
she struggles and
i'm impatient.
hours later
as i was leaving
she gave me some posthumous instructions,
for her of course:
call this person
don't bother calling that person...
you get the idea

we go over this a couple of times a year
it's exactly how i like to end my visit,
with my mother.
anyway
as i was leaving,
i thought about the 4 cartons of cigarettes
that she bought-
which will last her about 2 weeks,
then 4 more...

i drove home
even more alone
and
afraid...

sitting here

at 1:00 in the afternoon
eating ribs
in my underwear
watching law and order
svu
a marathon actually
it wasn't a pretty sight
too many ribs
too many options
too much time
and choices;
bad choices
dumb luck
and self will run riot
hours later.....
sitting here
watching the red wings
wondering where the tigers game is
they tell me it's on fox sports plus
whatever that is
but i'm out of ribs
wearing jeans now
blogging
without wires
fuck
it's tuesday
and i'm afraid...

back home

driving down familiar roads
metro detroit
dollar stores
check cashing places
community outreach parking lots,
filled with cars
every other corner littered with
a homeless guy holding some kind of sign
proclaiming god's blessing
needing money
or food
or drink
some of them willing to work...
everyone afraid
on edge
under insured
over medicated
or something like that

driving
orange barrels
potholes
and there it was
proof positive,
that this world is spiraling
spinning
out of control
friday night cage fights
at the local F.O.E. hall
what the fuck?!
i wonder if the guy working the door
has a bottle of hand sanitizer next to the 50/50 raffle tickets....





i don't know what to say,
or do-
anymore
how about you?