Tuesday, July 26, 2011

i don't know about you

but i really loved the birmingham borders. there were many nights that i grabbed a coffee and wandered for hours looking over the countless books, and magazines too, before carefully making my selections... i never much cared for the music they had in stock, but back in the early 2000's they did have a decent local electronic section...anyway, it's not real hard to figure out what the problem is, when border's 30% off price is $10 more then amazon's price with shipping, now is it?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

i have often said

that taking a quality photograph of a hallway inside the train station is difficult. there are many reasons why i feel this way, but i'm not going to just give it away...







anyway,

i found these photos online and thought that i would share the link here...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

we can only lead ourselves. there are many people out there to inspire us, but it is ultimately God and our own resolve that will find us on the other side of mediocrity and irrelevance. we must slay our own dragons. will we choose to go up against a Goliath, or will we cower at the first sign of failure, and fight a lesser opponent in exchange for the safety of a sure thing...i can only lead myself.
i can only break the rules once i understand the rules.
i can only understand the rules once i have studied them.
i can only study them by putting in my time.
i can only put in my time, by putting in my time.
it takes years to learn what we don't know.
it takes years of trial and error to begin to understand.
once i begin to understand, i have a chance.
i can only have a chance, when i admit that i don't know.

Friday, July 15, 2011

when i was 8 years old

my mother took me to a party at mcdonalds
it was the first ronald mcdonald playhouse to open in southwest detroit
there were kids everywhere
parents
photographers
the news was there
corporate people from mcdonalds were walking around
there was even an inflatable hamburglar flopping in the wind
ronald mcdonald himself was being flown in by a company helicopter.

they appeared over the horizon!
everyone was excited
waiting
about 10 or 15 feet from the ground
something went wrong
and the helicopter just kind of fell
there was no smoke
or flames
but instead, a loud thud
all of the kids were crying
screaming
the landing was nothing short of awkward
the doors flew open
and ronald came stumbling out
bleeding from his forehead
people were running
scrambling
ronald was swearing,

fuck!

shit!

louder and louder!

he was yelling at the pilot
calling him a cocksucker
and then reality set in-
ronald waived
ashamed and embarrassed
he tried to let everyone know that he was alright...

an ambulance came
and took ronald away on a stretcher,
the corporate suits were apologizing to all of the parents
and then just like that, the party had ended
my mother and i drove home,
alone
in silence...

all these years later
as i sit here and type this;
i cant help but think of a janitor
pulling the plug on the inflatable hamburglar
perhaps lighting up a cigarette, while he waited
for the air to slowly escape-
stuffing the masked man in to the back of a van
driving off
towards a storage unit somewhere,
as ronald lay uncomfortably
alone
in a hospital bed-
heavy with regret, and short on luck...

Monday, July 11, 2011

awake

monday
almost midnight
and it has never been more clear to me
that the whole abandoned/urban exploring thing in detroit
is dead
it's been dead for a couple of years
but it's really dead now...

enough shit talking

for a little while anyaway...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

it's sunday

in july
91°
i have decided to stay inside
away from the world,
from them.
i have a photo of a key



and a key chain
the fort shelby hotel
prior to the renovation.
these keys open a door
to detroit's urban exploring days of old,
before some people made a joke of it all(i could insert any number of hyperlinks right here, i suppose only those who are guilty would be offended by that, fuck em, right? no! i don't want to make this, about them, they don't deserve it)......
at least that's what i think?
anyway,
i have one of these too,
and i think that makes me cool,
but you probably don't think so,
and that's ok,
it's better that way,
for us both...

i'm finished updating my website...

while looking at a bunch of files
i came across this old one
from the book cadillac hotel,
now the westin
this is from 2004
the ballroom
not a terribly great photograph
but decent enough to post here
7 1/2 years later...
if only i knew more, oh well.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

i would like to photograph an old building

preferably a hospital
maybe 100 years old
i would like my old 100 year old hospital to be abandoned
but with no scrapping
no graffiti
and no vandalism either
what's that? do i hear you laughing so hard that you shit yourself?
well, in detroit this would not be possible...
no
within a matter of hours
the copper would be ripped from the walls
the wiring
the fixtures
the windows
the roof flashing
you get the idea...
three days later after john or myself post some pictures from there, a couple of assholes from another state would stalk our online activities and go there to steal our identical compositions, post them on the web and not give either of us a shout out...
a week later, some hipster would likely spray paint their band's name all over the walls, maybe some song titles too, then they would shoot their next album cover on the front steps...
i would also like my 100 year old abandoned hospital with no graffiti, no vandalism, and no scrapping, to be an asylum, with old medical equipment, and i would like it to be so difficult to get in to- that not every other fag on flickr has a shot from there, oh yeah and 32 of their flickr friends do too, and they all leave comments on each others photo, saying things like, "nice light control" and "another level"...i would like my 100 year old asylum to have the window glass still mostly intact, maybe the door hardware too, hell- while we're at it, throw in some medical records, some tuberculosis transfusion hoovenflapper valves and some rolled up gauze....i want to take photographs there all day, all week, all month, i want to shoot there for so fucking long that my wife has to send someone to find me, drag me out of there, 16856732090 gigs of fucking raw camera files bitch! that's right! fuck you! fuck flickr! fuck your facebook! your spinning wheels of fire! your gas masks! fuck all of it, and while you're busy fucking yourself, i might slip next door to the neoclassical industrial bohemoth of a power plant, with all the turbines still in place, i might shoot that bitch too, until my boys drag me the fuck out of there and feed me some bologna sandwiches!!!! i think there's an abandoned Quiznos over by washington blvd! let's go urbex that shit!!!
fuck!
whatever...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

most nights

i do this because i have to
i have to get it out there
on paper
on line
it's the only way
that i can get better
go further

most days, it's what i have to do
i have no choice
because there's a wanting- somewhere
inside of me that tells me to,
i can't do it for the recognition
or the praise
or the acknowledgement
those are all the wrong reasons
and that would make this
impossible

somewhere there's a want inside of me
that never dies
i never stop hearing
or listening to it-
because i can't
because this is all that i have
all that i am

it's these words
these photos
these thoughts
this is my soul, wanting
and i have to put it out there
i have to see the words come to life
the photographs have to live on this page
this screen...
it's the only way that i can survive
the only way that i can be better

i do this because i have to
because my heart tells me to
because there's a wanting in my blood
my veins-
my fingers sometimes burn
my camera- sometimes
burns
i do this because god wants me to
because god allows me to
i do this because of pain
because of hunger
depression
passion
creativity
because of poetry
because of life
love
madness
i do this because of fucking
crying
punching
hitting
stabbing
i do this because of soup kitchens
because of the streets
because of the game
the hustle
i do this because i have to
because i have no choice
because to not do this
would be too much
it would be a slow death
it would be mainstream
it would be quiet
alone
normal
to not do this would be too much like them
it would just be... too much
too little
too late
and i can't have that,
i do this because i have to
because today is tuedsay
because it's 2:17
becuase it's july

i do this because i want to
but somewhere along the way
wanting gave way to being
and this is who i've become
a man who lives
and who dies
by way of wanting
for me there is no other way
i will be greater because of it
i will suffer in-spite of it
i will hurt
i will love
i will learn
i will do this-
because i have no choice-
because it has chosen me
and i- have accepted...


Monday, July 4, 2011

i have been guilty in years past

of lazy and irresponsible photography, i won't get in to the specifics of what i'm talking about because that would be foolish. plus, why should i give it away for free? if you're a photographer and you happen to be guilty of irresponsible compositions and or editing, go get your own education! chances are, you're not aware of your shortcomings though? some people can only see things in hindsight? most, don't even know, what they don't even know...

photography is a lot like finding your dick for the first time,
you can fill in the blanks...