Wednesday, January 25, 2012

sometimes

when i'm walking around my house
i think about when i'm going to die
where will it be
when
will it be?
in the garage
the kitchen
will i die trying to get down the stairs
trying to shovel the side walk
where will my wife find me
cold
dead
lifeless
i'm not afraid of death
or dying
i'm more concerned with suffering
with pain
with my wife growing old and no one there to help her
to love her
i'm not afraid of death
i'm more concerned with cancer
the slow kind
the painful kind
i think about my future dogs
running out of food
in their bowls
while they sit next to my lifeless body
protecting
waiting
waiting for the neighbors to ring the bell
for the police to beat down the door
i think about this when i'm putting towels in the linen closet
that would be as good a place as any
for the big one to hit me
i'm not afraid of death
i'm more concerned with my wife
trying to wake me
i'm concerned with growing too old
too slow
for too long
i think about running out of money
out of love
patience
i think about all the people around me dying
outliving them
maybe i'll die while changing the filter on my furnace
a
that's as good a place as any?