Monday, June 26, 2017

sometimes

i feel like i have failed this world
and there isn't much more that can be said about that

except
goodnight.





Tuesday, June 6, 2017

i've been pretty busy

still shooting pretty regular
and messing around with a little film too...
i am also pretty depressed, as usual

the depression usually has some words that follow,
but for the moment
i'm too busy trying to get ahead in life.

once i get a couple more bills paid
i'll stop
and pontificate,
about my life
my sadness

and whatnot...




Tuesday, May 30, 2017

when i was a boy

my mother would go over to my uncle frank's house
and help with things
sometimes i would tag along...

my uncle frank always had on his old green shop shirt
sitting at the kitchen table
half the man he once was-
dementia.

i used to sit at the table
and talk to my uncle frank
mostly, i would listen
as he told me stories about my dad
his blue ford pick up
and that old fishing boat he used to have...

he would ask me how my father was doing

my dad was dead though.

had been for at least 6 years
but i liked hearing stories about him,
my father.
see
i never knew my dad
have no memories of him
he left when i was 2.
died when i was 5.
and all i ever heard
was that he was "a fucking drunk"
and i'm sure he was,
but my uncle frank seemed to like him
and i liked hearing his stories about him-
my dad,
"the fucking drunk".

now i don't know if anything that my uncle frank told me, about my father, was true?
because of the dementia
but i enjoyed hearing it anyway
i would answer his questions
with a simple "yes"
or a "i don't know"
and he would go on and on...

my mother would finish up
and we would leave
this went on for a few years
and then my uncle frank died...

i don't know too much about him,
my uncle frank
i don't remember what he did for work
and why he had a green shop shirt
with his name on it.

i don't really remember the stories that he told me,
about my dad anymore
but those stories
whether fancied or real
helped shape an alternate, and important image
of my father
something, besides me hearing that he was a drunk.
which i'm quite certain that he was...

i do remember going to my uncle frank's funeral.
i remember seeing him
in the coffin.
it was the 1st time i ever saw my uncle frank
in anything besides his green shop shirt...
i wasn't sad, but
i preferred him the old way;
at his kitchen table
in his green shop shirt
smoking,
telling me stories about my father
and smiling
flicking his ashes
as the hours went by-
my mother cleaning...

i like to remember him that way,
uncle Frank...









Wednesday, May 10, 2017

the fisher building

not abandoned.

i've always wanted to take this photograph
so i did, the other day.
i've tried a few times before in the past, but
the security guards were never very welcoming or polite.
even when asking permission, their response was always, "no".
which doesn't make any sense to me...
but
i don't own a skyscraper in detroit
nor do i work security at a skyscraper in detroit,
so maybe i just don't understand the ramifications
of letting someone photograph a building lobby...

anyway,
this was on a sunday
and while i'm glad to see detroit is on the upswing,
signs of life are still hit and miss.
the cafe inside of the fisher building wasn't open
and i really wanted a coffee
and it seems like a cafe inside of a building like this
should be open
rain or shine...?

but
once again
i don't own a cafe
nor do i work at a cafe
so maybe i just don't understand?

or maybe the owners of the cafe
and the owners of the skyscraper
and the security guards of the skyscraper
don't understand?
maybe they don't understand me
or my needs?
there are many
and they are deep
and troublesome
and they worry me...

maybe if the cafe was open
i could grab a coffee
and tell the person working the counter
about my troubles
my worries
my concerns?
and maybe the person working behind the counter
at the cafe
would tell me to go fuck myself?
that i don't understand problems
or what it means to struggle
and then i could remind them not to judge someone
by how expensive their camera is
i could tell them, and maybe those fucking security guards
that i know what it's like to hurt
to feel alone
too feel like the walls are caving in around me
at all times
and it's hard to breathe
even with all the windows open
and the front door open
it's hard to breathe
it's hard to let the light in
it's hard to let the air blow through me
when most days it doesn't seems like there's enough of me left
to withstand the slightest breeze
not even a familiar breath...

all i wanted to do was take a picture of a lobby
inside of a building
and post the picture on the internet
for 8 people to look at,
and then those 8 people can click away
and look at new shoes on zappos
or wherever the fuck people buy shoes now.
i don't know
i've bought from them before;
zappos
they have good prices
and fast shipping.
they're not as great as they used to be, before amazon bought them
but that's how the world works;
cafes are closed on sunday
and security guards tell you to get fucked...
and then you get in your car
headed towards home
and you consider doing 95mph
straight for the lobby
and maybe the news will show up
and photograph you
and your car
crashed
inside of the lobby
and the security guards can tell them not to take a photograph
inside of the lobby
and i'll be sure and wear some new shoes that i bought online
somewhere,
so i can look good for the camera
when they haul me outta there
but i'll have to remember to bring my own fucking coffee
because the cafe is closed

on sunday.




Monday, May 1, 2017

may 1st

i don't have much top say...
pretty busy with work
and life
slightly depressed
and tired
whatever...


Friday, April 28, 2017

i've been pretty busy

but i have been shooting
and i did manage to take a quick trip to see a friend
eat some good food
and photograph a few buildings.

this abandoned convent was the highlight of my trip...

Monday, March 20, 2017

when i was 8 years old

this girl named lori
showed me her panties
on the school bus.
i'll never forget those pink panties
and the site of her,
lifting up her dress
laughing...
i was so excited my dick got hard,
instantly!

later,
at home
i sat on my steps
thinking, about lori's pink panties...
my dick got hard
again.
i'm sure that i had a hard on before this day
but this is the first time that i ever remember having a hard on.
i sat there for hours-
each time my hard on went away
i thought about lori and those pink panties...

the next school year
lori transferred somewhere else
and i didn't see her,
or her pink panties again.

a few years later
we were driving down fort st
in my mother's 1977 shitty sky blue nova,
rusty
loud
the windows down,
my mother smoking a L&M.
i was sitting in the backseat
and then i saw her;
lori
riding a bike,
she pointed at me
in the backseat, of my mother's 1977 shitty sky blue nova
and she laughed;
at the rust
the broken shocks,
the exhaust...

i guess she had never seen my mother's car?
i rode the bus to school when i last saw her
and those pink panties.
i tried to hide in the back seat
so she wouldn't see me
but it was no use.
my mother wasn't aware of any of this
i never said anything to her.
i just sat there
silent
in the back seat
trying to hide
to not be seen,
maybe forgotten...

i never saw lori again after that day,
but i heard from a friend a few years a go
that she was fat
and had a couple of kids
by a couple different men.

i think about her sometimes;
her pink panties
and the way my dick got so hard
at the site of them.

i don't know where she is today
or what she's doing
and i guess i don't really care
if she's fat
or skinny
or how many kids she has.
i just hope that she can still make someone's dick just as hard
as mine used to get
all those years a go,
when she lifted up her dress
and showed me
her pink,
panties...

so wherever you are tonight, lori
maybe put on a pair?
for old times sake.

what do you say?








Saturday, March 4, 2017

my mother would have been 70 today

i think about her most days
wishing,
that i could talk to her.
i'm not any more sad,
than i normally would be
on any given day
it just so happens that today
is my mother's birthday
and she's dead,
for almost 4 years now...

and i guess i'm a little more alone, because of that
in a room full of people
and in a world full of rooms
i am just a little bit more lonely
than i was
about 4 years a go.

maybe i didn't talk to my mother every day,
and i didn't need her for most things
but there's a quiet comfort in knowing
that someone is there, for you.
it's not like knowing your buddy has your back
or that your wife will nurse you along...
those are both important, but
something else entirely.
and i am slightly more indifferent now
for having endured it all
for having buried her
for having to watch her die
slowly
in pain.
the kind of pain that you can't help
or make better...

i'm a little less of me
now
because she's gone
so many stories
memories
so much time spent between us________________gone,
with her leaving this earth.

i think about her most days;
Jeanette,
she was a lovely woman
a good mother
a good friend
and i am decent man
because of her...

happy birthday mom, i love you.

Friday, March 3, 2017

i saw this old rv

so i stopped to get a few pics.
i ended up talking to a guy who lived in the shelter next door...
he was pretty knowledgeable about cameras and photography.

a couple days later,
i was shooting some of the demolition that's taking place in Delray
for the new gordie howe bridge,
and one of the supervisors referenced the pedophiles living around the corner...
so i looked into it,
and yup.

fuck!


Saturday, February 25, 2017

old delray

jefferson ave.
zug island.

i need to figure out what this old bar was called,
back in the day...
i've never been happy with my photographs of this building
but i think i like this one...?
i've always shot it straight on,
this is the 1st time i've shot it on an angle.

kind of reminds me of the deer hunter,
or something like that...

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Friday, February 17, 2017

i have wanted to hit this place for a really long time.

this is from our trip
last month.
we were on our way to another location
in a different state
and we hit this prison, with some local friends of ours...

abandoned prison cells
hot sauce
walking on railroad tracks
stepping in slime
exchanging stories,
good times
with good people.

it was a quick pit stop
but awesome, nonetheless....!


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

i shot this back in november

i remember because
i couldn't believe i was shooting in an old ass
abandoned asylum, in november
with just a t shirt on...
this place was pretty cool
the hallways were tough to shoot
and the light was total shit
but i got a few shots...


Monday, January 30, 2017

back to life

back to reality
and things are not going very well
for starters
it's january
2nd
it's dark as shit
and 3rd
i was born spiritually sick
but
that's gonna have to wait for a minute
because once i got home from my recent trip, and started backing up my files
i realized my storage drive was full
and i couldn't do a complete back up...

now,
i do have a 2nd back up
a 2nd storage drive
but i like to keep 2 drives going at all times...

so
off to micro center i went
5 TB later
and now i'm backing shit up...
but
it's still cold,
it's still january for another day,
and
i'm still fucked up spiritually
but my files are synced up, son!

anyway
i found a couple old ones that i might edit...we'll see?




Saturday, January 28, 2017

went out of town

had a great time!
got a chance to hit a few spots that have been on the list for quite awhile...
but
back to life
back to reality
and january
and snow
yeah.


Friday, January 13, 2017

nothing too exciting here

i thought this brick paved street in Delray was pretty cool
and there's quite a few houses still standing...
you don't see a lot of brick streets in detroit.

unfortunately, this one might end up a casualty of the new bridge?
it is a little on the outskirts of the bridge route
either way
i thought it was cool
and i'm pretty sure i never really paid attention to it before.



Saturday, January 7, 2017

woke up today

after a very cold but awesome couple of days
with 2 friends...

we hit some old spots
and we hit some new spots
a couple locations were sealed up,
and we also ate some great food.

so here's a photo of a really beautiful library
that is currently being destroyed
by scrappers
and vandals
inside of a high school
in detroit...

the end is the beginning is the end

back to reality today...


Sunday, January 1, 2017

just like last year

i'm going to spend some time shooting and talking about Delray.
with the new bridge coming
some of Delray will be forever changed...
growing up, we never really hung out over on this side of town
some of these streets, i don't think i've ever stepped foot on before?
this particular street, Reid, is right in the path of the new bridge
and whatever is left over here today...
will be gone pretty soon.

there are still a few occupied houses on Reid St.
it doesn't look like much,
but when you consider that; people grew up in these houses
and played on these streets
i think,
it's worth documenting...