Saturday, March 4, 2017

my mother would have been 70 today

i think about her most days
wishing,
that i could talk to her.
i'm not any more sad,
than i normally would be
on any given day
it just so happens that today
is my mother's birthday
and she's dead,
for almost 4 years now...

and i guess i'm a little more alone, because of that
in a room full of people
and in a world full of rooms
i am just a little bit more lonely
than i was
about 4 years a go.

maybe i didn't talk to my mother every day,
and i didn't need her for most things
but there's a quiet comfort in knowing
that someone is there, for you.
it's not like knowing your buddy has your back
or that your wife will nurse you along...
those are both important, but
something else entirely.
and i am slightly more indifferent now
for having endured it all
for having buried her
for having to watch her die
slowly
in pain.
the kind of pain that you can't help
or make better...

i'm a little less of me
now
because she's gone
so many stories
memories
so much time spent between us________________gone,
with her leaving this earth.

i think about her most days;
Jeanette,
she was a lovely woman
a good mother
a good friend
and i am decent man
because of her...

happy birthday mom, i love you.

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