Saturday, February 10, 2018

sometimes the words hit me

and i wish that i had a pencil
some paper
but i look down
and all that i have in front of me
is wanting
no pencil
or paper
not even something to stab myself' with
and write the words in blood
maybe across my windshield
or on the sliding glass doors at whole foods
(i sure do like that whole foods)

sometimes
the words hit me
like a ton of bricks
or a lifetime of bad choices
either way
it's a lot to carry around
when you have no pencil
no paper

sometimes the words hit me
like they did today
only this time
i looked down
and i signed into this page
this blog
this life
and i type
type
type
trying to get it out there
out of me
but it's useless

the words just don't seem to flow right now
dried up
and this is where i would insert a metaphor
about a river
being dry
and this is where i would insert a knife
into my chest
and turn it
pull it out
and stick it back in
again
and again

fucking dried up river
of emotions
and thoughts
and words
no reason for any of it
it's a lot to carry around
when you have a bad back
and a sore shoulder
sometimes it can be too much
the weight of it all

the words hit me
and life hits me
right in the fucking face and it hurts
and the hurt reminds me
of all the times before
right now
and right now doesn't exactly feel too great

and i have no pencil
or paper
but even if i did
tomorrow is grocery shopping day
and i'm tired.



1 comment:

the walking man said...

Yeah Justin, I get the loss of not having pencil and paper at hand.