Monday, December 19, 2016

as stated earlier

i was shooting for 100 posts in 2016...
i'm not sure if i'll make it?
but this makes 91
91 times i've sat here
listening, to the silence
and if there's been 91 times
then surely
there's been more...
but at least 91 times i've sat here
listening for god
asking questions
and at least 91 times
i have not liked
the answers.
91 times i've logged into this page
this blog
this life
and hoping, for inspiration that
more often then not
doesn't come
91 times i've felt like a failure
like a monster
a hero
a champion
a loser...
91 breaths
91 deaths
i hear it in my sleep
in my dreams
my laughter
i hear the good times
the hard times
the struggle-
i hear the fighting
the laughing
the fucking

i was shooting for 100 posts in 2016
but i don't know if i'll make it
don't know if i'll have the time
with bed bath and beyond
and home depot
and that gluten free sustainable granola from whole foods.
i don't know if i'll have the proper amount of pain
or fodder
or angst
to put it down,
to write it down,
to type the words,
my words.

i'm no sure if there's enough pain for 100 posts
i'm not sure if there's enough understanding
for 100 posts...
i'm not sure
but i'll try
for one more.

1 comment:

the walking man said...

Fuck the pain and go for anger.